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please sir can I have more? [portion control]

By Yoda – The Snuggly Cat

I am a cat and I love my food. It’s the best part of the day. Frequently, I have to get my human to feed me. I’ve trained my human well. I hover around the kitchen. I meow loudly and adorably. I blink and look lovingly into their eyes. I rub myself against their legs. I walk around them in circles.

How many hints can one cat drop? “Feed me now, you fat-headed human!”

I admit, as a kitty I’m probably really hungry all the time. That’s what happens when you’re growing faster than Apple after the release of its new watch! [Maybe not ☺]

When I was born, until about seven weeks, mommy-cat’s milk formed the main staple of my diet. It was the best! Mommy-cat wasn’t so giving at around seven weeks. Her human was kind though, and left out extra tiny nibbly-bits for us to crunch on. These were challenging at first. I thought I was going to choke. After a bit of resistance, and time taken watching mommy-cat inhale those curious nibbly-bits, I got the hang of it.

Once the nibbly-bit is in your mouth, it’s hard to spit it out. I asked mommy-cat “Why”? She told me some nonsense about my tongue having little spears on. The rough, comb-like structures on my tongue are actually pointing towards my throat. She says it helps food go where it should. She said it also helps when grooming. My mommy-cat is super-smart!

I tried crunching the nibbly-bits, because they seemed to so big. It’s difficult to go from slurping milk shakes to swallowing golf-balls! Mommy-cat says crunching helps clean my teeth. Mommy-cat also told me not to bother chewing. She says chewing is for cows. (What’s a cow?). She said cows look disrespectful and unprofessional. “Us cats”, she tells me, “are very classy”. “We just don’t chew sideways!” she told me. I’ll never forget her advice.

I later discovered that humans in white coats often recommend nibbly-bits. Humans seem to listen to those people in white coats. Let me tell you now, those nibbly-bits gave me the worse wind ever. When I say worse, let’s compare that to raw sewage left out on a humid, sunny day. I didn’t notice at first, my poor little tummy would swell and I would just have to let one go. It felt good, but humans around me would recoil and their hairs in their nose would curl!

I will talk more about what I eat these days, (which is good ‘ole raw food), at another time. That’s another ‘cat amongst the pigeons’ debate!

Anyway when we lived with mommy-cat, she put a lid on those nutritious milk shakes at about eight weeks. She also became more aloof. We would crunch on those golf-balls all day long. They were there all the time. I liked that, because I was always hungry, but always windy!
As a growing kitty, it is important to eat more than grown-up cats. When I was more kitten-like they fed me smaller amounts, three to four times a day. My tummy was tiny back then!

My human BFF feeds me twice a day now; I’m over six-months old. In the early days when I was still with mommy-cat, I had food whenever I wanted. These days, my human BFFs exercise portion control. They keep showing me picture of really FAT cats: cats that can’t walk, cats that have diabetes, kidney problems and all other sorts of diseases. I guess that over-eating can kill the cat, not just curiosity!

As a rule, portion size really depends on age and weight. Normal meals (of a raw food diet), are usually 3-4oz per meal. Kittens need up to 50% more! I guess my human BFF watches to see how much is left behind to gauge portion size when I was growing.

When I finish eating, I bury my plate with invisible dirt. I use my paw to scrape the dirt into a big pile that hides my plate. I like to think that I’m keeping it safe for later. My humans seem to take the plate away; they can’t see the special, invisible dirt – what is wrong with them?